I feel so trapped.
About half of me wants to work and half of me doesn't. The half that doesn't is not because of laziness, but rather fear. Fear of letting work get in the way of school or vice versa. Fear of embarrassing myself. Fear of being undependable. Fear of giving up too easily or not quitting when I should. I really want to better myself and I'm going to try my hardest. That being said a part of me really does just feel so trapped in this vicious cycle. I want to help out financially (especially since school costs so much) but I don't want my grades to suffer because of it.
Another issue is even if I do decide to work I have no clue if anyone will hire me. The things I want to do I am not even remotely qualified for. Most of the things I am qualified for I don't have interest in doing. As far as all the things in between... well I'm not sure. My resume is about as impressive as this post has been thus far... which in my opinion is very sad.
Although on a positive note I already completed one of my first "assignments" for my class. That makes me happy. Maybe when school starts I will start feeling like I'm making a difference in my life. Until then I think I will just try to do fun things to take my mind off it. Fix my house too. Right now though I could use a warm bath and a beverage.
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